A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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