i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
