we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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