i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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