We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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