I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You have to summon your inner elephant
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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