Jerry, you need to find god
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
