i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
