you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize