FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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