oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
