ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
