He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
