im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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