The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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