Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
