Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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