im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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