Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
