i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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