Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
