My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
