You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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