how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
