he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
