yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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