one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
