she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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