I wish life had little blips of pornography
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
