I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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