thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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