I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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