the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
