smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
