I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
