Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
