he looks like a really good dad on facebook
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize