My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
