happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
