just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
