Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
