There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
