OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
