are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
