god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
