Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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