I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
