wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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