Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
