Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
