listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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