so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
