Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
