The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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