Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
