the only muscles i have these days is kegels
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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