Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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