dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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