His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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