She's JV to your varsity
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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