She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
